The Spot (Jokes, Funny things And much More!)

[Sponsored links]

[The Music]

Everyone can leave a joke, come one, read, laugh your ass off and post a message with something funny.
Here I go:

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."

[Jul10++]

jaja LOL :D

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

[EnempE]

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?



:: Two, but noone knows how they get in there.

[The Music]

Blonde and a brunette

A blonde and a brunette were talking, and the blonde was
very stressed. The brunette asked her what was the matter.
The blonde proceeded to tell her that she really needed to
sell her car, but no one would buy because it has 100,000
miles on it.http://www.coolbuddy.com/JOKES/imgs/blonde13.gif

The brunette said to her, "I know a way that will help you
sell it. I have a friend who can help you, but it’s illegal."

The blonde said, " I'll do anything." So the brunette gave the
blonde the phone number of a guy who could turn back the odometer
on her car. A week later the blonde and the brunette crossed
paths, and the brunette asked the blonde if she had sold her car
yet.

The blonde said, "Why would I sell a car with only 50,000 miles on it?!

[tiko.FCI]

OP 10 REASONS TO BUY A PENTIUM

9.9999973251 Your old PC is too accurate.
8.9999163362 Provides really good alibi when the IRS calls.
7.9999414610 Attracted by Intel's new 'You don't need to know
what's inside' ad campaign.
6.9999831538 It redefines computing -- and mathematics!
5.9999835137 You've always wondered what it would be like to be
a plaintiff.
4.9999999021 Current paperweight not big enough.
3.9998245917 Takes concept of floating point to a whole new level
2.9991523619 You always round off to the nearest hundred anyway.
1.9999103517 Got a great deal from Jet Propulsion Laboratory!
And the number one reason to buy a Pentium:
0.9999999998 It'll probably work!

Q: What's the new name for the 'Intel Inside' sticker?
A: The warning label!

"You know what goes great with those defective Pentium chips?
Defective Pentim salsa!" (David Letterman)

Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant?
A: A mad scientist.

Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider?
A: "Life is like a box of chocolates."

[GARUDA]

OP 10 REASONS TO BUY A PENTIUM

9.9999973251 Your old PC is too accurate.
8.9999163362 Provides really good alibi when the IRS calls.
7.9999414610 Attracted by Intel's new 'You don't need to know
what's inside' ad campaign.
6.9999831538 It redefines computing -- and mathematics!
5.9999835137 You've always wondered what it would be like to be
a plaintiff.
4.9999999021 Current paperweight not big enough.
3.9998245917 Takes concept of floating point to a whole new level
2.9991523619 You always round off to the nearest hundred anyway.
1.9999103517 Got a great deal from Jet Propulsion Laboratory!
And the number one reason to buy a Pentium:
0.9999999998 It'll probably work!

Q: What's the new name for the 'Intel Inside' sticker?
A: The warning label!

"You know what goes great with those defective Pentium chips?
Defective Pentim salsa!" (David Letterman)

Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant?
A: A mad scientist.

Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider?
A: "Life is like a box of chocolates."
jaaa and to buy Amd lol? :P:P:P:P

[tiko.FCI]

w00t ^^

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

[GARUDA]

a man who is using a dictionary says to a woman :
between between drink the chair jaaaa :P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P

[The Music]

101 Ways To Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

[tiko.FCI]

roflmaopimp

[GARUDA]

101 Ways To Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
that's interesting but a little large :P:P:P:P:P

[tiko.FCI]

then ignore it, and dont quote it plz, ur making spam ovehere ;)

[The Music]

One day a father called his 6 children together and asked, "Now tell me, who has been most obedient during last week and did everything mother asked?"
In one voice they all replied, "You, Daddy!"

[GARUDA]

then ignore it, and dont quote it plz, ur making spam ovehere ;)
ok you're right:\

[The Music]

☻SEX
SEX is My Fav. I Do it regularly. Do it & Feel Gd! U'll enjoy it! I'll Die w/out SEX, S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it everiday, gd for u.

☻SEX ON TEXT
Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!

☻YOU ARE WANTED
The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty & very good looking... So where are you gonna hide Me?

☻TALKING DIRTY
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

☻LOVE AND SEX
Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!

☻SEX IS ...
Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man puts his location in a woman's destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need a demonstration?!

☻GIVE ME ALL YOUR $$$
MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock, but not TIME. can buy sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer 4 U

☻NIGHT PRAYER
Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen.

[Luis(tm)]

ReLOL! all this jokes :P

Hilarious :D

Keep the good work'n give us some more =)

Cya!

[The Music]

☻WHAT I NEED
I need a hug, I need touch, I need tender, I need a kiss, I need love, I need sex, I need you!

☻WRONG NUMBER
U've got SEX APPEAL ... U've got INTELLIGENCE ... U've got CLASS ... U got da FACE, U got da BODY ... I got the wrong number ... SORRY

☻NO SEX !
There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !


☻PHONE ENGAGE
hey! what happen 2 your hp? tried calling alot of times. everytime i dial your no, operator kept sayin 'THE SUBSCRIBER U CALLING IS HAVING SEX, PLS TRY LATER'

☻KENTUCKEY
A woman is like a kentuckey friedchicken, it has legs ,breasts and a greasy box to stick your bone in.

☻TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
Twinkle, twinkle little rectum bigcockscum when you least expect them, never mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion.

☻OLD MAN
There was an old man from gosham,
who got out his bollocks to wash'em,
His wife said oh jack if you don't put'em back,
i'll stand on the bastards and squash em!!!(new)

☻ARSE ICONS (_!_) Regular arse
(__!__) Fat arse
(!) Tight arse
(_*_) Sore arse
(_o_) Well used arse
(_e=mc2_) Smart arse
(_x_) Kiss my arse

☻FAMILY
your father had your mother,
your mother had your brother,
it's just 2 bad your fathers mad and
your mothers now your lover



☻GUY PERIOD
If guys had they periods
They wouldcompare the size of their tampons!



☻DEMONSTRATION
Sex is when a guyscommunication enters a girls information to
increase the population for a younger generation do you get the
nformation...or do you need a demonstration



☻SEX IS EVIL
Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So stick it in.



☻VIRGIN
Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
************ a virgin
Not a slut.

[JimmyCognitti]

I just found this joke and I think it's HYSTERICAL!!! :D :D :D


A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?''

"No," the farmer said.

The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?''

"No."

The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''Hello, my name is Chuck.''

The farmer shot Chuck.



Funny. Isn't it?? :D See U Folks

[The Music]

I just found this joke and I think it's HYSTERICAL!!! :D :D :D


A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?''

"No," the farmer said.

The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?''

"No."

The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''Hello, my name is Chuck.''

The farmer shot Chuck.



Funny. Isn't it?? :D See U Folks

JAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJA

[tiko.FCI]

The farmer shot Chuck.
xD

--------------

btw, what jajajajajaja means? O.o

[Oesoto]

8 things you'll never hear a woman say:

1 - What do you mean today's our anniversary?

2 - Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV

3 - Ohh, this diamond is way too big

4 - Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'

5 - Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?

6 - Awww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there

7 - I don't care if it's on sale, 300 dollars is way too much for a designer dress

8 - Hey, pull my finger!

[The Music]

Bears Custody

A little Bear is at his custody hearing. The judge asks the little bear whom he wants to live with.

Well, I don't want to live with Mamma bear, she beats me. And I do not want to live with Papa Bear, he beats me too.

The Judge asks little bear if he has any relatives whom he likes.

Little Bear says no. . . I want to live with the Chicago Bears, the don't beat anybody.



Chicken Little
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer
said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"







"A Mothers Wisdom"

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote:

"Dear Mother,

I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Love John

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:

"Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mum

[tiko.FCI]

8 things you'll never hear a woman say:
8 - Hey, pull my finger!
i have to say this...

OMFG

Roflmao!

muaahahhahahaha

http://img23.imageshack.us/img23/2053/youmannow5km.jpg

[Luis(tm)]

I think this is the best I've seen in a while :P
(But the Spanish is the best part though)

Porque uno nunca sabe...
CURSO DE INGLÉS DE EMERGENCIA
Si tiene que viajar de emergencia a los Estados Unidos y no tiene tiempo para aprender ingles, léase esto, lo puede salvar en un momento de necesidad:
Si quiere una COCACOLA diga GUIMI A COUC.
Si quiere un café y una dona diga COFI AN DONOT.
Si quiere unos huevos con jamón diga JAM AN EGS.
Si se agarra un dedo con la puerta del Taxi diga FOC.
Si algo le parece muy costoso diga FOC.
Si se cae en el metro diga FOC.
Si lo asaltan en el Bronx diga FOC.
Si se encuentra con una mujer de esas de película diga UARA FOC!.
Si alguien le grita algo que contenga FOC responda FOQUIU TU.
Si pierde el pasaporte, detenga un policía y diga AI LOST MAI FOKIN PEIPERS.
Si se pierde en la ciudad, grite AI AM FOKIN LOST.
Cuando se refiera a un tercero diga DE FOKIN GAI OVERDER.
Si quiere acostarse con una morenota dígale AI UANA FOC WIT YU.
Si quiere acostarse con una rubia dígale JELOU, CAN AI FOQUIU?.
Si no sabe donde tomar un Taxi diga JAO TU GUET A FOKIN CAB?.
Si esta muy enojado no diga REFOC, solo diga FOC varias veces.
Si le quieren tomar el pelo pregunte ARYU FOKIN MI?.
Y si estas instrucciones no le sirven de mucho...."Uat da foc YU uant?"

SPANISH FOR GRINGOS
(Para que los Gringos aprendan castellano)
There's always something to learn or to try, many times you need to some phrase in Spanish, but you don't know how to say it, don't worry, your problems have finished, if your are a gringo and you don't know speak Spanish, the Smart Gringo will be helpful in your learning.
For instance, we took from it some common phrases, just try and you're gonna see the difference and how easy is speak Spanish. (Read "As it is" in english)
Boy as n r = Voy a cenar = I'm gonna have a dinner
N L C John = en el sillon = on the armchair
Be a hope and son = viejo panzon = fat old man
Who and see to seek ago = Juancito se cagó = Little John is a chicken things.
S toy tree stone = estoy triston = I'm kind a sad.
Lost trap eat toss = los trapitos = the little rags
Desk can saw = descanso = (you) rest.
As say toon as = aceitunas = olives.
The head the star mall less stan dough = deje de estar molestando = stop bugging me.
See eye = si hay = yes we have
T n s free o ? = tienes frio = are you cold?
T N S L P P B N T S O = Tienes el pipi bien tieso = you have an erection.
Tell o boy ah in cruise tar = Te lo voy a incrustar = I'm going to insert it in you

[Luis(tm)]

Quick Facts =)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

It's possible to lead a cow upstairs ... but not downstairs.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.

The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

A snail can sleep for three years..

No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."

Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. SCARY!!!

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

All polar bears are left-handed.

In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

"Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow.

Don't forget to pass these weird facts on to everyone you know.

They will get a kick out of it !!

P.S. You tried to lick your elbow, didn't you?

[Krieg]

Some of those "Quick Facts" are only urban legends.

[The Music]

A cLose Shave
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."




*


Plus some funny images.

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/83parking0980598.jpg

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/87redsocks490585.jpg


http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/86fire02580.jpg

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/78underwear239934876.jpg


http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/72forecast430589.jpg


http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/66pumpkin349857.jpg


http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/63sperm048.jpg

[tiko.FCI]

lol

                                     short msg :s

[The Music]

A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands."

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"

Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands."

The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so she marched over to inquire what was wrong.

"Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?"

Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his *************** out of the way,

had a right good look, pulled up the pajamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing is wrong with them!!!"!

At this point the man pulled off his oxygen mask and asked again,
"Are my test results back???"

[tiko.FCI]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA rofl! AHAHAHAH

[JimmyCognitti]

This thread is the best I've seen lately, you guys are pretty funny LoL!!!!

Keep it Up!!!!
http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/153/1205827.jpg

[LIONZ]

Are my test results back? lol. Nice one. Keep posting. I didn´t know there were threads in english, I´m subscribin´ to this one.

[gatonegro]

This is an office memo, I've received it on past days :S

TO: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Special High Intensity Training

In order to assure the highest levels of quality, work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well-trained through our progrom of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to Eployee Attitude Training (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List. (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T.jobs, and can apply for promotion to Director Of Intensity Programming (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,
Boss In General, Special High Intensity Training (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

This one RATW! :D

[The Music]

This is an office memo, I've received it on past days :S

TO: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Special High Intensity Training

In order to assure the highest levels of quality, work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well-trained through our progrom of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to Eployee Attitude Training (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List. (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T.jobs, and can apply for promotion to Director Of Intensity Programming (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,
Boss In General, Special High Intensity Training (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

This one RATW! :D


Hey totally funny Dude!

[wigisan]

This is an office memo, I've received it on past days :S

TO: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Special High Intensity Training

In order to assure the highest levels of quality, work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well-trained through our progrom of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to Eployee Attitude Training (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List. (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T.jobs, and can apply for promotion to Director Of Intensity Programming (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,
Boss In General, Special High Intensity Training (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

This one RATW! :D


LOL!:P:P.. That was a good one!

[tiko.FCI]

LoL

never saw that joke be4

[LIONZ]

A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

[LIONZ]

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scount. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scount, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

[The Music]

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scount. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scount, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
JAJAJAJAJA =)

[tiko.FCI]

ROFL


(i hate the stupid 10 post crap )

[LIONZ]

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any.... true story...

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked....

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard

[funksta]

SPANISH FOR GRINGOS
(Para que los Gringos aprendan castellano)
There's always something to learn or to try, many times you need to some phrase in Spanish, but you don't know how to say it, don't worry, your problems have finished, if your are a gringo and you don't know speak Spanish, the Smart Gringo will be helpful in your learning.
For instance, we took from it some common phrases, just try and you're gonna see the difference and how easy is speak Spanish. (Read "As it is" in english)
Boy as n r = Voy a cenar = I'm gonna have a dinner
N L C John = en el sillon = on the armchair
Be a hope and son = viejo panzon = fat old man
Who and see to seek ago = Juancito se cagó = Little John is a chicken things.
S toy tree stone = estoy triston = I'm kind a sad.
Lost trap eat toss = los trapitos = the little rags
Desk can saw = descanso = (you) rest.
As say toon as = aceitunas = olives.
The head the star mall less stan dough = deje de estar molestando = stop bugging me.
See eye = si hay = yes we have
T n s free o ? = tienes frio = are you cold?
T N S L P P B N T S O = Tienes el pipi bien tieso = you have an erection.
Tell o boy ah in cruise tar = Te lo voy a incrustar = I'm going to insert it in you


pffff jajaja my stomach hurts of many laughing

[The Music]

http://magesy.ru/media/images/illusion.jpg



*
http://magesy.ru/media/images/ride.jpg

*

[tiko.FCI]

like i said on the topic "what to do whit a girl or somthing, i dunno, you better read this

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN...
compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN...
show up naked,
bring beer.

[The Music]

6 guys and 1 woman got stranded on a remote island. She decided that she would sleep with each guy for 1 week at a time on a 6 week rotating schedule so everyone could get some pussy. This worked perfectly for a few months, and then suddenly the woman died of a heart attack one night.

The guys were totally distraught after a week, after 3 weeks they were starting to panic, after 6 weeks things had gotten really bad, so they all had a group meeting and said:

"Ok guys, I know we never ever thought it would come to this but... we're going to have to bury her"

[Google]

Excellent LMAO

[tiko.FCI]

Google?

Couldn't you pick something less lamest? :)

[JimmyCognitti]

...That picture with Donald Duck and the little girl is rather disturbing... :confused:

8|

[The Music]

What should they say?

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He's moving!"

[The Music]

We've all experienced deja vu in our lives, but did you know there are many variants of deja Vu that you may have throughout your life?

Deja boo: The feeling that I've been frightened like this before
Deja coup: The feeling my government has been overthrown like this before.
Deja clue: The feeling that colonel mustard has done it in the billiard room with the lead pipe before.
Deja do: The feeling my hairdresser has given me this cut before.
Deja eau: the feeling I've smelled this perfume before.
Deja fu: The feeling I've been kicked in the head like this before.
Deja who: The feeling I've known who was on first before.
Deja jew: The feeling I've wandered in the desert like this before.
Deja knew: The feeling that I remembered this information before (before the test, that was).
Deja loo: The feeling I've been to this bathroom before.
Deja moo: The feeling I've drank this milk before.
Deja mu: The feeling I've calculated the mean of this population before.
Deja new: The feeling I haven't experienced this before. (AKA, "Vuja De" - Nothing like this HAS EVER happened to me before.)
Deja ooh: The feeling I've exclaimed at these fireworks before.
Deja poo: The feeling I've stepped in this before.
Deja Q: The feeling I've encountered this entity before.
Deja rue: The feeling I've regretted this day before.
Deja stew: The feeling that this is made from the pot roast my mom served the week before.
Deja too: The feeling that I've experienced this before, also.
Deja two: The feeling that I've experienced this before, twice.
Deja woo: The feeling that heather has yelled at someone like this before.
Deja you: The feeling that YOU have experienced this before.
Deja zoo: The feeling that the monkey has done this in public before.
DUH-ja-vu: The feeling that the answer was so obvious, that you *surely* should have known it before. DUH!

[tiko.FCI]

aahahaqhhahhahahahhahaha

[The Music]

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/110dog0292.jpg

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/520crushed2349058.jpg

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/100welcome90238745.jpg

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/535fallsown09806.jpg

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/534superheroes094860.jpg

http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/521cokeadd985897.jpg
enjoy

[The Music]

http://www.imagesshared.com//out.php/i2668_vista.gif

[EgroJ.]

yeah exelent picturs, yuo have mi smile face

[The Music]

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s92/salim36/funny-pictures110.jpg


-
http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/catfun-skryt.jpg

[The Music]

http://i7.tinypic.com/48eefeu.jpg


http://www.infetech.com/IMG/jpg/effet-ipod-7_1_Custom_.jpg


http://static.flickr.com/100/256232830_f534152dc5.jpg


http://www.macworld.com/news/2004/10/12/bono.jpg


http://kylet.co.uk/kylet/dancingFooliPod.jpg


http://www.macdirectory.com/newmd/mac/pages/macculture/iPod-Ads/imgs/Music_iPodAd3_HR.jpg

http://www.uneasysilence.com/wp-content/ipod_nooooo.jpg


http://content.ytmnd.com/content/8/5/4/85420dad851d753e749f380d70d83477.gif


http://cc.1asphost.com/kahpeng/ipod2.png


http://www.maj.com/gallery/triggerhappyjim/shizac/ipod.jpg

http://808.pariso.com/archives/ipod-ghraib-electrocution-s.gif

http://www.p2pnet.net/images/ads.jpg

http://rawky1.podomatic.com/2006-06-12T11_41_10-07_00.jpg

[The Music]

A minister visited an asylum for the mentally disturbed and was taken on a tour of the facilities by one of the resident doctors.

Walking down the dismal, echoing corridors, the minister was troubled by the cries and groans of the patients coming from their rooms.

"I hope that I can be of some help and comfort to these poor souls," he told the doctor.

The doctor stopped at a door and they looked through the small window. "This is a sad case," said the doctor.

The patient rocked back and forth on her cot, sobbing and sighing. "Peter," she repeated over and over. "Oh, Peter!"

"She was to marry a man named Peter," said the doctor. "And on their wedding day he ran off with another woman. It broke her heart and she went mad."

They moved on to another door and looked in. Inside the patient was bound in a straightjacket, shrieking insanely, "Peter! Peter!"

"Let me guess," said the minister. "She lost Peter also."

"No," answered the man. "She's the one that got him!"

[D13G0]

http://img337.imageshack.us/img337/43/religionsoftheworldey9.jpg

[The Music]

"I am " is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do " is the longest sentence? After you say `I do`, you are sentenced whole life to your wife (or husband)

[JimmyCognitti]

You want to get it... you must get it :P :P

http://static.flickr.com/84/279275303_867d3d93dc_o.jpg



Keep this thread active!! ;)

:cool:

[julgar]

It's the Truth :P
109767

[julgar]

I'm the Workaholic :P

111192

[The Music]

A Few More Things To Ponder About...

1. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide is that considered a hostage situation?

2. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

3. Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.

4. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

5. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

6. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

7. I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

8. So what's the speed of dark?

9. War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

10. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

11. Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

12. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

13. I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

14. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

15. Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

16. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

17. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

19. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

20. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

21. Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

22. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

23. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

24. Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is weak?

25. Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

26. Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

27. Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

28. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

29. If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

30. If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

31. What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

32. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

33. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

34. When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!

35. Do fish get cramps after eating?

36. Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

37. Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

38. Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

39. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

40. When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

41. Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

42. Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

43. How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a chair at him?

44. If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?

45. Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

46. Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

47. Do married people live longer than single people, or does it just SEEM longer?

48. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

49. Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

50. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

51. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

52. What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

__________________________________________________ ___________
18 Signs You're Flat Broke

1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

3. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

4. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.

5. Long distance companies don't call you to switch anymore.

5. You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

6. Your rob Peter... and then rob Paul.

7. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

8. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

9. You give blood everyday... just for the orange juice.

10. McDonald's supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

11. At communion you go back for seconds.

12. You wash your toilet paper.

13. You have to save up to be poor.

14. You're in college.

15. On thanksgiving your dad would bring home a picture of a thanksgiving meal.

16. You owe yourself money.

17. You are sterilizing your urine for reconsumption.

18. Your imaginary friend has more money than you.



__________________________________________________ __________
http://www.fakecrap.com/images/jokes/small_pecker_condoms.jpg

__________________________________________________ ___________
30 Useless Facts

1. Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the western Pacific.

2. Blondes have more hair than dark haired people do.

3. Belgium is the only country that has never imposed censorship for adult films.

4. A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue.

5. Bees kill more people a year than sharks do.

6. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow film down so you could see his moves.

7. A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside.

8. Brazil is the only country to have played in every World Cup soccer tournament.

9. Bulls are colorblind, it is the motion of the cape which angers them.

10. Babe Ruth kept a lettuce leaf under his hat to keep cool during a game.

11. Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.

12. Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.

13. Broccoli and cauliflower are the only vegetables that are flowers.

14. Certain frogs can be frozen solid then thawed and continue living.

15. China has more English speakers than the United States.

16. By age sixty, most people have lost half of their taste buds.

17. Cheese is the oldest of all man-made foods.

18. Before 1850, golf balls were made of leather and were stuffed with feathers.

19. Bill Clinton is the only President ever to be elected twice without ever receiving 50% of the popular vote. He had 43 percent in 1992 and 49 percent in 1996.

20. Children grow faster in the springtime.

21. By the time a child finishes elementary school she will have witnessed 8,000 murders and 100,000 acts of violence on television.

22. A healthy human eye can distinguish between 500 shades of gray.

23. Banana plants are the largest plants on earth without a woody stem. They are actually giant herbs of the same family as lilies, orchids and palms.

24. Casanova wore condoms made of linen.

25. A man and woman in Mexico city were engaged for 67 yrs and finally married at the age of 82 yrs.

26. Back in the mid to late 80s, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered 100% compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator.

27. A Horse has 18 more bones than a Human.

28. Barbers are forbidden by law from shaving a man's chest in Omaha, Nebraska.

29. Both George Washington and Thomas Jefferson grew cannabis sativa (marijuana) on their plantations.

30. A kangaroo can jump up to 3 meters high and leap up to 8 meters.
__________________________________________________ ___________________

http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/funny-07.jpg

http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/631.jpg

http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/Slow_Children.jpg

http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/movie-poster-scrabble.jpg

http://www.funny.com/_fc/0/2/fn.955.jpg

http://i19.tinypic.com/2zic8w0.gif

[daverumblepack]

Hahahahahahha LMFAO

[julgar]

No the best school to learn =)

111787

[wallac3]

vey nice thank u.

[daverumblepack]

Hahahaha, good to know!

[julgar]

Very Good!!

http://photofile.ru/photo/fishki_net/3009969/61962167.jpg

[daverumblepack]

Lol :p:p:p:p

[PlateroJR]

The Theme IS old But What The Hell

The Incredibly stupid forum answers

- I cant Oppen my Work Here, but in my house it opened.
- What text processor did you used.
- Uhhm, err... windows., version 6
- no not the operative system, i mind the text processor.
- !!!!! windows !!!!
- NO thats the operative system, i mind the text processor like WordPerfect o Microsoft Word.
- OHHH. UHHHH, microsoft windows.
- !!!! ARRGGHHHHH !!!!

I still dont Know How I didn kill him

[The Music]

The Theme IS old But What The Hell

The Incredibly stupid forum answers

- I cant Oppen my Work Here, but in my house it opened.
- What text processor did you used.
- Uhhm, err... windows., version 6
- no not the operative system, i mind the text processor.
- !!!!! windows !!!!
- NO thats the operative system, i mind the text processor like WordPerfect o Microsoft Word.
- OHHH. UHHHH, microsoft windows.
- !!!! ARRGGHHHHH !!!!

I still dont Know How I didn kill him
i would have in a second.

[JimmyCognitti]

It's the Truth :P
109767

LOL..!! That was pretty funny :p :P

I just wonder what the ladies here think about it (BTW, are there ladies here at "LaNeros.com"?) :P


Cheerz
http://fudeu.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/33kglxl.gif
:cool:

[The Music]

jajaa! I love those "bunnies"=?

[daverumblepack]

Pretty funny :P

[wallac3]

LOL..!! That was pretty funny :p :P

I just wonder what the ladies here think about it (BTW, are there ladies here at "LaNeros.com"?) :P


Cheerz
http://fudeu.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/33kglxl.gif
:cool:


LOL :-p

Thanx man !

[daverumblepack]

look at this friends of mine, they've got the best car I've ever seen :P:P

[wallac3]

look at this friends of mine, they've got the best car I've ever seen :P:P



mmmm, i wouldnt like to meet them, they look scary !

[LliTø]

Do you think that have a good English level ??.....Try translate this.....:confused:

1. Basic Level
- Tres brujas miran tres relojes Swatch. Cual bruja mira cual reloj? :|
2. Advanced Level
- Tres brujas travestis miran los botones de tres relojes Swatch. Cual bruja travesti mira los botones de cual reloj Swatch?:S
3. Expert - Master - Alien level
- Tres brujas suecas transexuales miran los botones de tres relojes Swatch suizos. Cual bruja sueca transexual mira cual boton de cual reloj Swatch suizo?:( :muerto:

Ok... Did u can do it?

Answer......:)

1. Three witches watch three Swatch watches. Which witch watch which Swatch watches?:|
2. Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches. Which switched witch watch which Swatch watch switch?
3. Three Swedish switched witches watch three Swiss Swatch watch switches. Which Swedish switched witch watch which Swiss Swatch watch switch?:( :cansado: :muerto:

[Beto]

You only want tell a Joke.
Jejeje

[The Music]

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts mas-turba-ting. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the ************ is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

[daverumblepack]

LMFAO, hahaha, so graphic

[wallac3]

LOL That was good man !!

lol


:P :P

[The Music]

Hollywood Lessons

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
-Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
-All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
-At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
-All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
-Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.
-You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
-A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
-If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
-If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
-Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
-All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.
-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

[daverumblepack]

Now I can act :)

[:: Mr Cego ::]

lol! whatta forum!!! later put here funny anything ;) :P

[julgar]

What is your browser? =)

http://www.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/1188334660818.jpg

[:: Mr Cego ::]

:P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P Opera Forever and Wherever!!! :P :P :P
Cool Stuff man! ;)

[The Music]

firefox sin aditivos....

[daverumblepack]

Firefox no extensions

[wallac3]

This is not a BROWSER use topic, but that is a great picture man.......LOL !!!!

:P

[wallac3]

Hollywood Lessons

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
-Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
-All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
-At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
-All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
-Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.
-You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
-A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
-If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
-If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
-Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
-All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.
-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.



YEAH YEAH......that is all right !!! LOL!

:P

[:: Mr Cego ::]

the next time, use the "edit" button, plz ;). regards!

[karl2006]

I just found this joke and I think it's HYSTERICAL!!! :D :D :D


A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?''

"No," the farmer said.

The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?''

"No."

The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''Hello, my name is Chuck.''

The farmer shot Chuck.



Funny. Isn't it?? :D See U Folks

Sorry...I didn't undersatand....I need and explanation please

[The Music]

Sorry...I didn't undersatand....I need and explanation please

chuck rimes with f.uc.k

[karl2006]

Thanks lol. Let's time I'm gonna try open my mind....jejeje

[karl2006]

Thanks lol. Next time I'm gonna try to open my mind....jejeje

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot.

When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs though, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his back. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke; the broken glass carved up his back terribly. Yet, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.

A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up terribly. He then repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, his back was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"

"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where did you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."

[karl2006]

Don't eat the hard bit on its back

[The Music]

Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the
living room and I said to her,
'I never want to live in a vegetative state,
dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.
If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'


She got up, unplugged my computer,
and threw out my wine.

[The Music]

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

Love affairs:Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.

Marriage:It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

Divorce:Future tense of marriage

Lecture:An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students
without passing through the minds of either.

Conference:The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise:The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary:A place where divorce comes before marriage.

Conference Room:A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

Ecstasy:A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

Classic:A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile:A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office:A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn:The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc:A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee:Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience:The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb:An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher:A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat:A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist:A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist:A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.

Pessimist:A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY

Miser:A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father:A banker provided by nature.

Criminal:A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught.

Boss:Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician:One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor:A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

[daverumblepack]

LOL try to put it on the spotlight forum.

[zarlox]

well, thats hard to pronounce!

[NoVa]

yeah i think the same, but is cool
we have to post some comments like that and test our english level is really cool

[The Music]

which forum?

[daverumblepack]

This gone wild :P

[GT_Leviatan]

Watch this...

[:: Mr Cego ::]

lol! so good! :p :p

[GT_Leviatan]

Two more...