The Spot (Jokes, Funny things And much More!)
- Iniciador del tema The Music
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Hollywood Lessons
-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
-Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
-All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
-At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
-All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
-Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.
-You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
-A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
-If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
-If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
-Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
-All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.
-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
-Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
-All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
-At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
-All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
-Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.
-You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
-A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
-If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
-If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
-Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
-All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.
-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
K
karl2006
Guest
JimmyCognitti dijo:I just found this joke and I think it's HYSTERICAL!!!
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?''
"No," the farmer said.
The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?''
"No."
The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''Hello, my name is Chuck.''
The farmer shot Chuck.
Funny. Isn't it??
Sorry...I didn't undersatand....I need and explanation please
K
karl2006
Guest
K
karl2006
Guest
Thanks lol. Next time I'm gonna try to open my mind....jejeje
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot.
When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs though, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his back. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke; the broken glass carved up his back terribly. Yet, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.
A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up terribly. He then repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.
The next morning, his head was hurting, his back was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"
"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot.
When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs though, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his back. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke; the broken glass carved up his back terribly. Yet, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.
A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up terribly. He then repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.
The next morning, his head was hurting, his back was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"
"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
K
karl2006
Guest
Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the
living room and I said to her,
'I never want to live in a vegetative state,
dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.
If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'
She got up, unplugged my computer,
and threw out my wine.
living room and I said to her,
'I never want to live in a vegetative state,
dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.
If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'
She got up, unplugged my computer,
and threw out my wine.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
Love affairs:Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
Marriage:It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
Divorce:Future tense of marriage
Lecture:An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students
without passing through the minds of either.
Conference:The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise:The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary:A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room:A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy:A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic:A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile:A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office:A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn:The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc:A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee:Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience:The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb:An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher:A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat:A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist:A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist:A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
Pessimist:A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
Miser:A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father:A banker provided by nature.
Criminal:A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught.
Boss:Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician:One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor:A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Love affairs:Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
Marriage:It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
Divorce:Future tense of marriage
Lecture:An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students
without passing through the minds of either.
Conference:The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise:The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary:A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room:A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy:A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic:A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile:A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office:A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn:The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc:A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee:Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience:The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb:An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher:A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat:A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist:A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist:A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
Pessimist:A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
Miser:A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father:A banker provided by nature.
Criminal:A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught.
Boss:Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician:One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor:A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
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